In early June of 2005, I was 18 years old, about to turn 19. I was just about to move out of my mother’s house and head off to college. A boy contacted me on my MySpace account to inquire about an original painting of mine that I had listed for sale on my page. The painting was called, “Lost in a Dream” and he wanted to tell me how much he loved it, ask if it was still for sale, and inquire about what the dream was. At the time I couldn’t explain what the dream was or what the painting meant. I didn’t understand it myself it just came from a place inside of me.

A week after talking online, I agreed to meet him to show him the painting. On June 11, 2005, I drove over an hour to meet him and by this time it had turned into plans for a date (not just the sale of a painting, which by the way, he never bought…)

June 11, 2005 he and I went on our first date. I knew that day that I was going to marry him.

June 11, 2010 we got married in a private exchange of vows in Spain.

June 11, 2011 we got married again in Las Vegas with family present.

June 11, 2022 our divorce was legally finalized. (This isn’t a fast or easy process…)

June 11th – one date to remember all the things.

I don’t need a special day to remember or to forget.

The memories are forever emblazoned in my heart.

But there is a permanent remembering attached to this day.

One day, for all the things. It was my doing, to have it this way.

Was this an act of poetic genius, to align everything to the same day?

Or an act of sadistic masochism?

I wonder if the day is tattooed on his heart the same way it is mine.

One day, for all the things.

It’s bittersweet. But more sweet than bitter.

The bitter comes in not being able to tell him all that I wish I could say.

That those years forever shaped me. That the love was real. That I miss him. That I’m happy for him. That I’m happy for me. And that I’m proud of us both.

And today… on the one day for all the things… I’ve finally figured it out! 🙌🏼

Looking back….the painting I’d made that he originally inquired about. “Lost in a Dream” – the dream that I was lost in….it was actually a premonition. A unknowing painted glimpse into a life I didn’t yet live. One that I’d been dreaming about since I was a child. Opulence… extravagance… a life where I could have and do whatever I desired. He and I co-created that life together. The Dream.

However, I had no way of knowing that once The Dream was achieved… it wouldn’t be what I thought it would be. It wouldn’t feel how I dreamt it would feel. Only upon arriving to the culmination of The Dream, I realized how Lost in it I was. The harsh reality was that I couldn’t exist within The Dream, even though I’d made it. I was deeply Lost in The Dream. And, beautifully enough, within the same Dream, he was Found.

The biggest “ah-hah!” I’ve had as of late is that the reason why my 16 1/2 year relationship ended was because in The Dream – I was Lost and he was Found. It’s so fucking magical and beautiful and joyful and bittersweet. It’s all the things.

On this day of all the things.

June 11th. The day I will always remember and never forget. And today, I’m so proud to no longer be Lost In A Dream.

I know exactly where I am and I have no clue where I’m going. And I absolutely love this about my life.