When I arrived to Bali I bravely decided to finally sign up to take a private lesson to learn how to drive a scooter. This was a huge milestone for me as I’d been living in Southeast Asia for the past year and a half and not being able to ride a scooter was a huge hinderance for me in my life. My lesson was two hours long and I was in the last 5 minutes or so of it. I was feeling confident…. A an adrenaline filled mixture of “yeeee haw” and “oh fuck” was pumping through my veins. I turned the same corner around the red cones that I’d turned nearly 50 times earlier. My wrist controlling the throttle was tired and I was overall feeling fatigued. As I turned this final time, I was going a little too slow, at a little too tight of an angle, and the bike tipped over, with me still on it. It landed on my left foot – specifically, my left big toe. Fortunately I was wearing closed toe tennis shoes and it didn’t cut my foot. But during the tip over, it ended up fracturing my toe in two places. I still can’t really understand the X-ray when I look at it but it definitely felt broken and my doctor friend in Seattle looked at the X-ray and also said yep it’s fractured. And the not being able to walk, extreme swelling and pain said yep it’s fractured. Welcome back to Bali, bayyybay. Said my fractured toe as I had to contact Yoga Barn and beg them to pause my monthly membership which was only 4 days in….

I knew it was going to be hard for me to find new things to love about living in Bali without yoga, without dancing, without being able to walk around. I didn’t realize it would spiral me into a deep, dark and muddy depression hole the way that it did.

I found myself questioning everything. Who am I? What am I doing? Why am I doing it? Am I doing “life” wrong? Why don’t I feel happier? What is the point of life?

In the hole, I found myself isolating from everyone. I was deep in a depressive funk that I hadn’t found myself in since before quitting my “old life.” I’ve since emerged from the mud, stronger and more aligned than ever. I don’t wish to share the epiphanies that surfaced after 6 weeks in the mud, but now that I’m out of it, I can confidently say I’m grateful for the lessons learned. And now, as I’m gratefully able to balance on my tip-toes again, I’m more confident than ever when I say emphatically: I won’t be tip-toeing through my life. I’ll balance on my toes, and point my toes, and flex my toes….but no more tip-toeing.