I betrayed myself again and today I have to feel those wounds. The pain of knowing that I made my soul character squish into a box for the sake of trying to make another see me as expansive. I held my breath so as to not risk breathing too loudly. I wanted it to work so badly that I was willing to forsake my own needs for the sake of pleasing another. Why am I still here? Doing this stupid people pleasing crap? Instead of just fully embracing that I woman who I am, and trusting that there are humans who see me and love me for that. I am more than enough exactly as I am for the people who matter. So why do I continue to feel that I’m not enough for myself? To myself? For myself? Why do I still betray myself sometimes? Today has felt like a nasty hangover. My body is aches and my heart is so tender and sore. I must remember that nobody and nothing can hurt me more than I can hurt myself. I don’t want to do this to myself anymore. I refuse to do this to myself anymore. As I approach my 38th birthday I’m using this as fuel to propel myself forward into a life that doesn’t include me betraying myself anymore. My vow, as I close this chapter of life, is to only be good to myself. Above all else, I must insure I’m the absolute best version of self to myself and for myself.