Does anyone else besides my mom and I know that oldies Lesley Gore song from 1963? (And my poor sister who had to listen to me sing it through tears every year on my birthday)…?

Growing up, my mom always went above and beyond to decorate the kitchen for mine and my sister’s birthdays, make our favorite foods, take us to our favorite restaurants and give us a great present. She made sure we felt special on our birthdays. But… for as long as I can remember… I’ve always felt sad on my birthday.

As I lay in my bed, here in Athens, the morning of my 36 birthday I have to admit I’ve done my fair share of crying. Knowing I would be in my birthday funk, In effort to proactively cheer myself up last night, I hunted down the one and only Thai food restaurant within 20 min walking distance to my apartment. Something about cold Phad Thai for breakfast…. It sounds gross but for some reason I love it. (I don’t love Phad Thai when it’s warm… only next day – cold…)

So here I am. Cold Phad Thai in bed with Netflix on my laptop. You might be thinking of all the things you would rather be doing if you were in Athens on your birthday. But. This is the annual day where I’m allowed to cry and I don’t have to tell anyone WHY or justify or explain myself. Because it’s my (birthday) and I’ll cry if I want to. Cry if I want to… 🎶

And that’s the only fucking reason I need.

UPDATE:

I’ve decided I’m done crying on my fucking birthday. This is the last year I’m allowing it for myself. So today… I’ll wallow in it just a little bit. But I vow here and now…never the fuck again. I’ve made huge life changes this year. I refuse to spend another birthday after this being sad! The ONLY reason I’m allowing it now is because I’ve been through a LOT this year. And this is my first birthday all alone in this world. And I miss my family. I miss my friends. And even… today… I miss my old best friend… the one I spent 17 birthdays with. I miss my closet and my shoes. I need something to cheer me up. 🤪

AND JUST LIKE THAT. Poof! My favorite Greek street band started playing as I write this… they stated 30 minutes early today. Perfect timing – I needed a cheer up. Thank you universe for the birthday gift of beautiful music when I needed it ❤️✨🙏🏽🙌🏽