KATIE

From 0-18 I went by the name Katie. This book of my life was challenging. Existing as a “child” when I felt so wise and powerful inside of my soul meant I butted heads with any and all authority figures. My mother, sister, teachers, principals….anyone and everyone who thought they were in charge of me (the audacity). As Katie, I was cautiously rebellious; hyper aware of consequences of misbehaving and determined to “adhere to societal rules” so as to eventually get into a good University, have a good job, and make lots of money so I could have the “finer things” in life that were otherwise unavailable to me as the child of a single mom. A natural leader, I was often referred to as “precocious” and the word definitely fit. I’ve always been wise beyond my years. In my elementary and Middle School years I enjoyed performing in theatrical productions; the masks I got to wear were more entertaining for me than being myself. I worked as a house cleaner to my mother’s rich friends and a babysitter and began saving my earnings. In High School, I was already beginning my entrepreneurship and had a successful alcohol distribution business using a state-of-the-art fake ID. I served in leadership roles on the Student Body and skipped my senior year to attend college full time. I battled with depression and feeling like I didn’t belong and wasn’t seen or understood by anyone. I I was determined to achieve financial success in the world. I had a challenging relationship with my mother and sister and rarely got to communicate with my father, who lived overseas in Thailand. I lived each day with laser focus on the summer before my 18th birthday when I’d be able to move out of my mother’s house, head off to University, and finally get to start living my life on my own terms. Three months before I began school at University of Washington, Seattle, I was selling my original paintings on a website called MySpace, trying to earn some extra money before I began school. One day, this boy who lived about an hour away from me messaged me to inquire about a painting he was interested in purchasing. Little did I know, he didn’t actually want to purchase the painting, he just wanted to meet the pretty girl who made it. On our first date, I knew with every cell in my body that I was going to marry him. He didn’t really check any of the boxes on my imaginary list of “husband” – it was just an intuitive knowing that he was going to be in my life for a long time. 

KATHERINE

In a college class, the last thing you want to do is correct the professor. During the first couple of days of all my classes at UW Seattle, the professors would take “roll call” where they’d read the roster of all enrolled students and you’d say “here.” Being that my legal name was Katherine, that was the name they said out loud and that was the name my peers heard me respond to, “here.” I couldn’t of course corrected the nomenclature. But at this point in my life, I was trying to assert myself as a grown ass woman. A popular movie had come out a couple of years before this called Cruel Intentions. The lead role played by Sarah Michelle Gellar was named Katherine and she was a badass. A bit psychotic and unhinged, but a beautiful baddie nonetheless. Katherine felt grown up; as Katherine I felt I had a better chance to be successful. That name felt powerful and commanding. So I assimilated to a new role; one that would last 16 years…the role of Katherine. I moved in with “him” about 6 months after we first met. We got married 4 years after our first date, on the exact 4 year anniversary of our first date (because I’m poetic). During our relationship, I built my career in branding and marketing. I was consistently getting hired for roles that were far above what another person of my age would be able to achieve. I was an overachiever and really, really good at my work. Katherine was killing it in the professional game. Eventually, “him” and I built a company together. It was a marketing/branding business and while it challenged us in every possible way, it was also the reason why our relationship lasted 16 years. In so many ways, he and I were never right for each other. But we managed to find mutual respect and partnership in each other that allowed us both to stay relatively happy together for the majority of our time as husband and wife. In the last few years in the Katherine chapter, I grew restless of the life we’d built. Tired of wearing the masks and performing the role of “business owner” and “happy wife.” Tired of being the socialite, tired of the fast cars, galas, house parties, champagne and fake eye lashes. I wanted to try something different. I wanted to close the business, sell the cars, boat and house… and move away to Hawaii. Or Croatia, or Mexico. Start a farmers market business or run a wake surfing school. The “what” we did actually didn’t matter to me. I just wanted to do something else. Live somewhere else. Try something else. And he didn’t want to. He loved the fast life of glitter and glam that we’d achieved together. And so, I filed for divorce. And so began 6 months of the worst hell I’ve ever lived through. There is no experience worse than enduring a divorce. In the divorce, I gave “him” my half of our company. I wanted him to have it since he loved it ultimately, more than he loved me. I sold my assets and put my stuff in storage (now referred to lovingly as my “time capsule”) and left the USA to set off in discovering myself. As it was, I’d never been alone in the world before. In the Katie chapters I was a daughter, student, sister. In the Katherine chapters I was a wife, business owner and socialite. I had no idea who I was when all those layers and masks were removed. In the exiting of this chapter, I set off on the biggest journey of my lifetime; Discovering Katherine.

KAT

In the journey to discover Katherine, I found Kat. And let me tell you; this is the most delicious, juicy, and magical version of me that I ever could’ve imagined finding.